Jeep Ad From Craigslist

1997 JEEP WRANGLER SAHARA WINCH, 5SPD, 4 INCH LIFT, 33" TIRES, NICE - $6500 (MCKINNEY,TX)

I should start by saying that if you are looking for a "Pajama party Barbie Jeep" my friend, should keep looking.

If you are looking for a nice burning hatch back, a solar powered liberal mobile, or even a Hyundai crossover keep on looking my friend this thing is a piece of tried and true blue Americana Machinery. This baby's pulse is pumping 4.0 liters of uncensored raw fuel through her straight six nuclear power plant. And rest assured this is no metro feminine automatic - you command her to obey, with your calloused hand planted firmly on the shifter. And she will obey, the first time, every time. If you can't handle your stick shifter, or reach the clutch pedal, you better not ferry skip over here wanting to test drive her. If you stall her out, you can count on getting hit in the face with a piece of re-bar and sent back where you came from. It has A/C but are you kidding me...Really! If you want to blow the sweat off your brow, you do it the old fashioned way: doors off, top down. "What if it rains?"...You whiney bitch! I told you to stop reading...Any man who drives this doesn't give a damn about rain. Not even in melting acid rain, Cause he's already dripping wet in blood, sweat, dip spit, and fish guts. If you are looking for the kind of jeep that has to be pansy parked in the garage, so the "carpet doesn't get wet and soggy" Then you should put an Obama sticker on some Japanese piece of shit. Cause this thing has rhino lined floors and rhino lined to let the blood drain out from the buffalo you just skinned with your bare hands. Because that was a weak Liberal from Aspen driving and when you get home you can relax your 9's on the glove car wash kit" in the pink bucket it came in. Go ahead and spit your 6000 psi heated pressure washer on the dually trailer in your man cave, cause you are Tim Gillege and you can pressure wash your truck on the side of the street. 96' rhino lined floors with a full roll cage in case that buffalo comes back to life while you're doing 80 over some mountain pass or flooded river. I'm talking about Mexican chrome bumpers on her, think again. The bumper bashers are chest hand forged in a blacksmith shop in Franklin County over a wood burn fire, out of 4 inch well casing, and railroad tracks and then I welded em to the damn chassis. That way if you get deployed you can piggy back this war wagon on a deuce and a half and chain her down tight from the four corners, so you don't lose her when your convoy gets hit by a taliband roadside suicide bomber. And forget about putting one of those "It's a Jeep Thing...You wouldn't understand" stickers on this machine cause when you're spotted in this American Classic there will be no questions, no further explanation required, people will understand and get out of your way...real quick. If you think you're ready to park this panty hauler on your tract of land. If you buy this jeep you better go get your old lady ready for some damn changes around your lair, cause this shit will be happening. What will be Happening? Glad you asked.... 1. More chest hair. 2. You're growing a beard. 3. Meat Only Diet. 4. T-Rex for a pet. 5. You're taking a job at the lumber mill. 6. Your car carries five kegs. 7. Penis enlargement. 8. Catch more fish. 9. Wire bristled toothbrush. 10. Sex in the yard. 11. Sex in the garage. 12. All male offspring. 13. Chiseled jaw line. 14. Not giving a damn. 15. Flesh turning to steel. 16. Higher salary 17. Promotions. 18. Better looking wives. 19. Better looking mistresses. 20. More golfing 21. More killing stuff. 22. More dead animals in the KITCHEN freezer. 23. More tools in your garage. 24. Bigger TV 25. Wife takes out the trash 26. Four Wheel Drive 27. Wife brings trash can in from road. 28. Wife stops bitching about clothes on floor. 29. Wife stocks fridge with beer. 30. Chuck Norris. 31. John McCain 32. Steaks for dinner. 33. Winning the Lottery. 34. Women on the side. 35. Wrestling with bears. 36. Building shit out of stone. 37. Riding Lawn Mower. 38. Bon Fires in cul-de-sac. 39. Bar Fights. 40. Wife picks you up from Thee Gentlemen's Club. 41. Craftsman Tools. 42. Jay Bisset. 43. Welding stuff. 44. Digging holes. 45. Huge Piece of meat. Put your GPS back in your purse. Sounds good doesn't it? This jeep has carried me through 155,000 miles of battlefield twice as gruesome as the second half of the movie "300"...And just like a trusty steed this juggernaut has never left me stranded. If you think you've worn her out you drag this beast back to me in any condition. And Ill handle the rest.

But if you think you're going to get to whip this mule you better pony up Sixty Five Hundred Dollars...American Cash. I'm not selling you this car unless you are clearly a pure blooded American Species, so don't even think about it.